Stuck in the mud


Photograph: Thom Rimmer.

I feel like i have been stuck in an oozy mud for too long. I realised this morning that as the seasons are changing, the earth is spinning and the rest of the natural world is getting on with their lives and what they need to do at this time of the year, I have been stuck in the same old mud. I have been witnessing these changes but instead of embracing them, instead of allowing them to scoop me up and learning to ride them, going with their flow, I have spent years resisting these changes. Refusing to budge, refusing to go with any flow. I have grown roots, very deep in the ground and I am not moving. I am resisting. I might sway here and there as strong winds try to push me to move forward but so far my roots were so deep that I didn’t budge. “Haha! victory!” I hear that stubborn and smug part of me saying, but it’s quite sad really. Today it feels like resisting change is pointless. It’s a lost battle. We might refuse to change and stick to our only known ways, but in doing so, I’m sure we are missing out so much on the beauty of the world, the beauty of relationships, of┬ádiscovering new places and meeting new people. I have stayed put for years. I stuck to my good old oozy patch of mud, begrudging this dark, cold, damp place but it has grown to feel familiar and now I find myself clinging onto it.

I can grow roots deep in the ground, but maybe I also need to remind myself that I’m not a tree…

So what does stop one from embracing change? fear? control issues? (tick, tick).

How can one release this and let go of these obstacles?

After all, I used to think that the unknown was the most exciting adventure, before I started to really think about all this, quite a while back…

And as you try to let go, more challenges are thrown at you. More tests to pass or fail. If you pass the constant assault of tests that life throws at you, well done. It’s a wild ride, but hold on tight, it’s worth it. If you fail only once, you are back to square one. Like the snakes and ladders game but on the back of a berserk horse. This year, you have to skillfully and gracefully juggle with these challenges, while riding full speed on a wild horse – if you were born during a horse year of course.

Good luck to all of you ­čÖé

I find that breathing helps. Just focusing on the breath, counting the inbreaths and extending the outbreaths up to doubling and sometimes tripling the count of the inbreaths. In yoga it’s called a Pranayama, or a breath controlled exercise. At this point in my life I’m convinced Pranayama is like magic.

Reknown yoga teacher T.K.V. Desikachar said that Pranayama is what westerners needed the most, due to the busy-ness of our lives and sky rocketing stress levels.

It seems like I might be able to breath out enough to release myself of these roots I have grown. I will have to remind myself to breath, in and out, every time I forget. After all, we are all being ‘breathed’. It’s happening, whether we are aware of it or not… Just like the seasons, the earth spinning and the rain… so we might as well admire it and enjoy it!


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